But I'll Always See Him Smiling
by Raven46
Summary: I don't see the same tough Brooklyn kid that I used to know. Now I see someone who was fighting constantly in a losing battle.


A/N This is another challenge fic that I've written. It's supposed to be a fluffy death fic, which is like writing an oxymoron for six pages.

Disclaimer: I do not own newsies, but all other characters are mine.

* * *

Hospitals never seemed quiet to me, although they were supposed to be. Nurses were constantly running in and out of rooms. The doctors were always being called on the loud intercom system and visitors were always roaming the halls. Today I happened to be one of those visitors. I hated hospitals. It always seemed like people never came out of them fully recovered and always had to return. My theory was proved true throughout the past two years as my best friend shuffled between home and hospital on a regular basis. This time was different though, this time he wouldn't be returning home, and everyone knew it.

I walked slowly through the halls, by this time I had memorized every route to his room, even the security guard knew me by name and usually allowed me to visit before visiting hours started. When I finally reached his room I entered quietly. If he was sleeping, I didn't want to wake him. Sleep never came easily to him anymore, so to disrupt his peaceful nap would make me feel like I was intruding instead of visiting.

"You know, if you came ten minutes later I wouldn't have woken up..." He whispered softly from his bed. I could never remember a time when his voice was soft, it was always strong and intimidating, you had to listen to him. Now, he didn't have the energy to project the decibels above a whisper.

"Sorry, Spot." I replied with a bit of a smile.

"Yea yea..." Spot lifted himself slowly into a sitting position, biting his lip as he did so and then releasing a heavy breath when he was through. Looking at him now, I don't see the same tough Brooklyn kid that I used to know. Now I see someone who was fighting constantly in a losing battle. His once lively blue eyes were sunken deep into his skull, surrounded by dark circles. All the hair on his head had dissipated away, leaving him prematurely bald.

"I brought you something."

"Better be a porno."

I laughed, and then he smiled.

"All right Jack, what'd ya bring me?" He rested his head back against the pillow and looked over at me. I waved our highschool year book in his face.

"Good God! You trying ta kill me faster!" He reached out and took it from me, opening to the front page. "You know, I've fucked each of these girls at least twice."

"Be proud man, be proud."

"Oh I was..." He smirked as he starting flipping through, then laughed. "Look at your ugly face in this picture!"

"Ah No! The horror!" I laughed as I sat on the edge of the bed and looked over with him. "What the hell was I thinking?"

"Bout the fact you was still a virgin at sixteen." I nudged him gently.

"Shut up."

"Ow, shit Kelly..." He rubbed his arm gingerly.

"Sorry..." I looked at him sadly.

"Don't look at me like that all right? I don't need you looking at me like that too. Everyone who comes in here ta visit looks at me like that." He sighed heavily and looked back at the pictures. "She was fuckin gorgeous huh?" Spot finished.

"Who?" I asked, no really noticing who he was looking at.

"Her!" He pointed at the picture revealing a round face with deep brown eyes.

"Mia?"

"Yup." Spot confirmed with a slight sigh to his voice.

"Yea, she was something else..."

"I still talk to her ya know? You remember when I told ya I was gonna marry her?"

"Yea, you were piss drunk and didn't know your own name. We were at some party."

"Race's party..." He finished for me.

"His dad practically destroyed his social life after that one!"

"How many people threw up in the pool? At least twenty." We laughed. "I can't even remember half that night, all I know is, I talked to her."

"Since when do you get all gaga over some girl?" I asked in shock.

He shrugged.

"I liked her, really liked her...then she left."

"Thought you still talked to her?" I asked him, a bit confused. He was holding back something, I could tell.

"Who made you matchmaker, huh? You're married!"

"So? What does that have to do with anything?"

"Your an old, washed-up married fart." Spot said with a smirk.

"Good to know you think so highly of me." He shrugged.

"She's a nice girl though, Jack, good choice." Spot added as an after-thought.

"Look at that!" I exclaimed, changing the subject instantly. I pointed at a picture

in the yearbook.

"I haven't seen everyone in so long." Spot commented. We were both looking at a picture of the group of us. Spot was standing far off, with the group yet cast away from it. He always did his own thing. Blink, Race and Mush were clumped together making funny faces while I stood next to Race. Things were so different then. We were all carefree and didn't think about the consequences of our actions.

* * *

"Ya see Jackey-boy, the goal here is to sack as many girls as possible before having them realizes your doing them all at once."

"You do realize that your somewhat disgusting, Spot?"

"Nah I ain't disgusting, I'm just in tune with my needs."

"Your sack the girl and runs needs." Blink added.

"Yup pretty much." Spot light a cigarette and smirked at all of us.

"Look at that Jack, you got an admirer." I turned my head to see a shy girl with bright red curls looking at me. I smiled as she turned away blushing. Then I heard snickers.

"Awww Jack's got a crush." Race said with a laugh.

"Would you'se cut it out!"

"Why should we, it's toooooooo much fun."

"You're all juveniles." Mush interrupted.

"No shit." Spot rolled his eyes. They were casually diverted by a girl walking past. No, this girl didn't walk, she sauntered. Her hair was a dark chestnut and her eyes were deep but held a flame that you couldn't help but wonder about. Finally she looked his way and smiled seductively at him. He responded with a wink and a smirk.

"I'm gonna marry that girl." Spot said after being completely distracted.

"Are you out of your mind?" Race commented.

"No."

"Spot, if you ever get married in this lifetime, pigs'll fly."

"Ha ha. Very funny."

* * *

Seeing Spot now makes me realize how young we all really were. We thought we were men, but we were just boys pretending. Spot's lanky frame was confined to a hospital bed and hooked up to IV drips that beeped when the dose was received. He was hooked up to dozens of monitors, most of which I had no idea what they were for.

"You didn't say you were gonna marry her at Race's party, you said it at lunch one day."

"How the hell do you remember that?" He was visibly shocked, as was I at the strange remembrance.

"Don't know, I just did."

At this moment the nurse interrupted us.

"All right Mr. Conlon..."

"I know, ya gotta take blood, again." The nurse helped him sit up higher so he was fully bent at the waist. She took his right arm which was already an ugly dark blue bruise with yellow along the outside.

"Yes, Mr. Conlon." She stuck the needle into his vein and began to release the tip. The blood began filling up the vial slowly. Spot winced when the needle penetrated his skin.

"I swear ta God, they take blood from me at least fifty fuckin times a day." When the nurse was through she removed the needle carefully and placed a piece of cotton over the wound, then covered it with a Band-Aid.

"If it keeps bleeding after five minutes call me back in here, understood?"

"Yea yea..."

"Don't yea yea me, you could pass out again."

"I know..." Spot sighed as she left. "If I could pass out, why do they keep taking blood?"

"Who knows? I didn't even know there was that much blood in a person. Whenever I come visit you that nurse is in here at least four times taking blood."

"Sometimes I don't even feel it no more. I look like a damn heroine addict." He said motioning towards his arm. "It would be more glamorous if I was doing the drugs." I laughed.

"You're sick."

"Don't I know it?" He was trying to play it off as a joke, but instead the question was completely serious.

"Open the back page..." He did so.

"Jack..." He laughed. "You asshole!" Then he kept laughing.

"Knock, knock..." Dark Auburn waves appeared in the doorway followed by the very same face we had been looking at in the picture. She smiled at Spot. "Do you want me to come back later? You look kinda busy..."

"Nah, come in....this is Jack Kelly," he introduced us.

"I'm Mia..." She shook my hand, a nice strong shake. I gave Spot a look, a look that meant "You little bastard, you have a girlfriend." I knew he wasn't telling me everything.

"I told you I was gonna marry her." Spot replied nonchalantly.

"Oh is that so? Maybe I'll give the ring back if you're so confident in yourself." She said with a smirk.

"Don't tease me like that, you'll give me a heart attack and then where would we be?"

"In the hospital like we are now." He laughed.

"Oh yea Jack, I still talk to her." Jack rolled his eyes as he mocked him.

"Shut up." Spot said still smiling as Mia sat down next to him on the bed and kissed his cheek.

"I'm gonna go..."

"All right Jack, you coming back tomorrow?" Spot looked over at me.

"Yea...maybe then I'll bring you a porno."

"I don't think my girl likes the sound of that." He looked over at Mia who was mock glaring at him. I laughed.

"I'll be here around two..."

"Sounds good." I got up and started to leave the room, but before I left I turned my head back to look at him. He was whispering to his girl softly and smiling down at her. Their eyes never leaving each others. He looked back at me then and smiled, I smiled back at him and left the room. I left him behind that day. His smile was a lasting imprint on my mind. The fact that he knew he was never leaving there and he could still smile is a miracle in itself. His disease literally ate him up alive. They first found the cancer in a benign tumor next to his thyroid. The removed the tumor and the thyroid gland to make sure they caught it all. When Spot went back for his check up it revealed the cancer had spread throughout his body, they hadn't caught it all. For two years my friend suffered through radiation, chemotherapy and being alone in hospital rooms. One thing that never changed was his will to survive and up until the very end he fought for his life. He died the night I left, without hassle, without pain, he just faded off into the night. But I'll always remember him smiling.

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A/N Alright so hopefully I accomplished my task. Now for everyone out there in lovely land, please hit the teeny review button.


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